r/funny • u/Most-Strategy4554 • 7d ago
As long as she doesn't make it into a candle, I'm like, whatever.
7.1k
u/s_decoy
7d ago
•
It feels like everything I hear about Paltrow comes from a random word generator.
→ More replies (34)1.4k
u/Strickens 7d ago
"I asked a bot to write a news article on Gwyneth Paltrow and this is the result-"
970
u/Radius_314 7d ago •
A new article by chat gpt:
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - Actress and lifestyle guru Gwyneth Paltrow is at it again with another bizarre health tip. The GOOP founder recently revealed that she has been incorporating a new practice into her wellness routine that she claims has changed her life: drinking her own urine.
According to Paltrow, urine therapy, or the practice of drinking one's own urine, has been used for centuries in Ayurvedic and Chinese medicine to promote detoxification and overall health. She claims that it has helped clear up her skin, boost her immune system, and even regulate her menstrual cycle.
While some may find the idea of drinking urine repulsive, Paltrow insists that it is a completely natural and safe practice, as long as the urine is clean and free of any bacteria or toxins. She recommends collecting the first urine of the day in a clean container and drinking it immediately for maximum benefits.
However, health experts are warning against Paltrow's latest health craze, calling it dangerous and unproven. Drinking urine can actually lead to dehydration and an imbalance of electrolytes in the body, as well as exposing the drinker to harmful bacteria and viruses.
"It's important to remember that urine is a waste product and our bodies excrete it for a reason," says Dr. John Smith, a leading medical expert. "There is no scientific evidence to support the idea that drinking urine has any health benefits whatsoever, and in fact, it can be quite harmful."
Despite the backlash, Paltrow remains steadfast in her belief in urine therapy and is even considering launching a line of urine-based supplements and beauty products through GOOP. Only time will tell if this bizarre health trend will catch on with the masses or fade away as just another one of Paltrow's outlandish fads.
702
u/wearenottheborg 7d ago
I'm concerned at how plausible this is lmao. Like the only obvious giveaway is the fake doctor name, but this definitely looks more believable than an onion article.
→ More replies (12)242
u/noober1x 7d ago
Um, Dr. John Smith was my actual doctor. Good guy. Didn't like it when I had to give him a urine sample though.
→ More replies (11)62
u/The_Big_Cat 7d ago
How was his bedside manner for the ozone enema?
→ More replies (2)82
u/noober1x 7d ago
It took my breath away.
→ More replies (1)28
u/driving_andflying 7d ago
If it took your breath away, I think you may need to re-read the instructions on which orifice the kit is supposed to be used.
→ More replies (2)106
u/JojenCopyPaste 7d ago
I got chat gpt to write this:
In recent news, actress and wellness entrepreneur Gwyneth Paltrow has sparked controversy once again with her latest health tip that many are calling "weird" and potentially dangerous.
Paltrow, who has previously faced criticism for promoting alternative health practices such as vaginal steaming and using jade eggs for pelvic floor exercises, is now advocating for a new practice that involves ingesting a small amount of hair each day.
According to Paltrow, consuming a small amount of hair can help improve gut health and digestion, and even boost the immune system. She claims that the practice has been used in traditional medicine for centuries, although there is no scientific evidence to support these claims.
Critics have been quick to point out the potential dangers of ingesting hair, including the risk of choking or intestinal blockages. They also argue that Paltrow's promotion of such a practice could lead to people adopting dangerous health practices without proper scientific evidence.
Despite the backlash, Paltrow has defended her stance, stating that she believes in the power of traditional medicine and alternative health practices. She has also pointed to her own personal experience, claiming that the practice has helped her feel more energized and healthy.
→ More replies (2)68
u/dclxvi616 7d ago
She is considering launching a line of urine-based supplements and beauty products…. Omg I’m dying
→ More replies (8)→ More replies (45)18
→ More replies (7)154
15.2k
u/Poobmania
7d ago
edited 7d ago
•
Everything I learn about Gwyneth Paltrow is against my will and I’m tired of being violated
697
u/Chucknorris1975 7d ago
Can I offer you a nice Jade egg in this trying time?
→ More replies (8)257
u/suh-dood 7d ago
Not if I have to shove it up my ass
136
u/Estoye 7d ago
You know what they say:
Jade egg in the front. Ozone in the back.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (10)109
u/TrepanationBy45 7d ago
You're in luck. That one goes in your urethra!
→ More replies (7)20
u/ManyIdeasNoProgress 7d ago
There's a subreddit for that. Linking it is always a r/sounding success. (oh yeah, nsfw unless your boss is, like, really cool).
17
u/seattleque 7d ago
a r/sounding success
Get the hell out of here with your early Saturday morning cleverness.
→ More replies (1)10
2.8k
u/Jatzy_AME 7d ago
Honestly, the most surprising part of this headline is that Hollywood keeps employing her despite being obviously nuts.
860
u/notquitesolid 7d ago
I thought she quit acting. She was only in the marvel movies out of obligation.
625
u/Courtaid 7d ago
I thought she did Iron Man because she didn’t have to leave Los Angeles to film.
→ More replies (2)783
u/dapoorv 7d ago
Are you not allowed to board a flight with a candle up your ass?
→ More replies (16)744
u/Jaambie 7d ago
You’re classified as a bomb when your ass is pressurized with ozone.
174
u/OhJeezNotThisGuy 7d ago •
Ozone with the concentrations of 60 vol% or more is likely to explode even at 10 Torr.
I can”t believe your comment made me go search how much Ozone she would have to pump in her ass to become explosive, and yet here we are.
15
14
→ More replies (3)14
u/Smitty8054 7d ago
Ozone in the air at too high of concentrations can definitely cause eye irritation. My brain is just taking this to the next logical step.
“Gwennie you ok over there? You seem uncomfortable”.
“I think I’m ok but my o-ring feels like it ate a big pile of cotton candy. And by cotton candy I mean fiberglass wool asbestos type violently escaping from my hole under intense pressure”
“I feel so cleansed. When your back door winker bleeds this much and this long you know it’s working”.
→ More replies (3)232
u/grumblyoldman 7d ago
No, Ms Paltrow, we said you are "a bomb," not "the bomb"
Yes, being "a bomb" is a bad thing, even when you're rich.
→ More replies (4)122
→ More replies (10)65
→ More replies (6)34
u/OldWhoFan 7d ago
The obligation was likely because for iron man she likely signed a huge mult picture contract because she didn't didn't think the film would start a franchise. She still made a load of money to play a supporting character without much screen time in most of the marvel films she appeared in. As far as acting goes, a well paying gig that lasts over a decade is like the holy grail for actors. And now, she has a guaranteed an easy payday if she ever wants to go to comic book convictions to appear on stage and then sign autographs.
→ More replies (12)268
u/malraux78 7d ago
So the thing to understand is a big part of her marketing strategy is to say crazy stuff that gets front page clickbait headlines (like this) to get people go to her goop store.
74
→ More replies (10)35
166
u/SquarePegRoundWorld 7d ago
Right, I might have to rethink my stance that Hollywood is the Mecca of sanity.
→ More replies (14)158
u/Nemisis_the_2nd 7d ago
At this point I just assume actors in Holywood are crazy, and am pleasantly surprised when the odd one turns out not to be.
→ More replies (10)84
u/FliesAreEdible 7d ago
I assume they're crazy and/or terrible people unless I learn otherwise.
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (157)312
u/memecut 7d ago
Well, a lot of the guys in power there are total creeps.. so, not that surprising
→ More replies (32)122
u/badoldways 7d ago
Gwyneth Paltrow and Alex Jones sell many of the exact same products to very different people.
→ More replies (4)125
u/conflicted_luddite 7d ago
For every one of you there are a million more who love hearing about what she's shoved up her arse.
49
→ More replies (8)30
u/TheDogsPaw 7d ago
I'm amazed that people dont all want to see stuff shoved up her ass
→ More replies (4)11
→ More replies (98)52
u/cnicalsinistaminista 7d ago
I can't stand her. At all. Not her personality, the crap she puts out there, not her acting.
→ More replies (4)24
u/JohnnysGirl12 7d ago
Same here. I've always found her to be incredibly pretentious and her acting is lazy at best imo.
→ More replies (2)
1.4k
u/tangcameo 7d ago
And here I’ve been shoving styrofoam and hairspray up mine.
→ More replies (11)233
335
u/Valuable_District_59 7d ago
All i think of is that Vivek Kumar probably went to journalism school to write about THIS
87
u/somedoofyouwontlike 7d ago
Lol. Imagine? You always dreamt of a big story with your name on it and you're covering what crazy thing Paltrow is putting up her ass now.
29
u/PM_ME_UR_HIP_DIMPLES 7d ago
I'm going to find him on Twitter and @ him this sentiment
→ More replies (3)
7.9k
u/johnboat007
7d ago
edited 7d ago
•
The amount of things I've read about this women and health tips in realtion to one's ass. There where coffee enemas, a nude yoga pose that exposed your anus to the sun, and now Ozone enemas. Her health tips could litteraly be an ad on Los Santos Rock Radio.
Edit- holy shit this blew up. here is the context for my joke for those of you who have lifes and haven't memorized all the gtav radio ads.
1.6k
u/pengalor 7d ago
We truly haven't come far enough from fumigating vaginas to treat hysteria.
979
u/Soothsayer71 7d ago
This is what happens when you reach the peak of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Transcendence just looks weird to the rest of us.
923
u/wanderingmonster 7d ago
Maslow was wrong: the top level isn’t “transcendence”, it’s “weird butt stuff”.
I hope to reach that level myself, someday.
221
u/yesbutactuallyno17 7d ago
Praise the sun.
147
u/Myroplyrodon 7d ago
The dark star.
62
u/Camelbeard 7d ago
Like a black hole?
67
→ More replies (2)30
→ More replies (8)18
u/TinBryn 7d ago
that which is above is like that which is below, that which is below is like that which is above
→ More replies (5)→ More replies (13)7
46
u/normansconquest 7d ago
Can confirm that weird butt stuff completes me more than enlightenment
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (30)13
28
u/Witchy___Woman 7d ago
You're so right. I always just called it not living in survival mode. But that's a more accurate way of putting it.
20
u/harrypottermcgee 7d ago
When I got some spending money I bought a new motorcycle seat, also for my ass. Maybe me and Gwyneth aren't so different after all.
→ More replies (8)26
u/armagnacXO 7d ago
Nothing but time and money, in a place that is obsessed about beauty and youth… it’s gonna mess people up.
26
→ More replies (18)116
u/2IndianRunnerDucks 7d ago
I didn’t know about fumigation to treat hysteria, but I do know the Victorian’s invented the vibrator so Doctors hands did not get so tired treating women suffering from hysteria. They were a funny lot - cant look at legs but the wife and daughters can go to the doctor for an orgasm.
74
u/JimJohnes 7d ago
Also in Victorian times literally blowing tobacco smoke up someone's ass with special pipe or bellows was legitimate method of resuscitation of drowned and curing various ailments.
Also, Babylonians used to fumigate their private parts in sitting position after sex. According to Herodotus, that is.
22
→ More replies (6)18
u/JimCrackCornDoesCare 7d ago
This kind of info always fascinates me. I mean blowing smoke up a drowned persons asshole would never work. Not once. Why would they continue to do it?
I’d like to meet the guy who tried it the first time. Was he just standing by the river smoking his pipe when a drowned man washed up? “Honey, hold my mead. I’m gonna go blow smoke up this fella’s arsehole real quick.”
→ More replies (1)17
u/WynZora 7d ago
I mean, they weren’t always the best at determining how dead people were either. I’m guessing a few of the waterlogged were just unconscious and poking things up their butt was enough to startle them.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (11)38
u/Aqquila89 7d ago
That's a not true. It originates from Rachel Maines's book, The Technology of Orgasm, but that has been debunked.
25
u/i1a2 7d ago
As of 2009, Alabama is the only state where a law prohibiting the sale of sex toys remains on the books, though Alabama residents are permitted to buy sex toys with a doctor's note.
TIL
→ More replies (9)523
u/Affectionate-Taste55 7d ago
Don't forget when she was on an alkaline water kick, but she liked it with a squirt of lemon, lmao!
67
→ More replies (4)34
102
u/Clerstory 7d ago
The coffee enema thing goes way back. When action star Steve McQueen was trying to use complimentary/alternative medicine to treat the cancer that eventually took him out, he was going to a clinic in Mexico and daily coffee enemas were part of the treatment plan. That, and being dosed with Laetrile, a medication derived from peach pits that’s never been USDA or AMA approved.
That whole “Western medicine bad” approach didn’t work out too well for Steve Jobs, either. And if you want to make yourself poop it would make more sense to drink the fucking coffee and get the antioxidants into the part of your digestive system where you could absorb them properly.
→ More replies (16)192
u/super_common_name 7d ago
I don't remember the exact figures but that GOOP stuff has made her a flaming fortune. Far more than her acting paid.
She doesn't give a good god damn how useless and dangerous most of it is, it's made her wealthy beyond her wildest dreams. And no matter how much she gets sued, she still comes out ahead.
This is to say that she herself did not put ozone up her ass. She's just saying she did so that people will give her more money.
211
u/MyPunsSuck 7d ago
Or, she actually buys into it too. You don't have to be a genius to end up rich... Remember, we're living in a world where you can end up president without being even minimally competent
→ More replies (3)79
u/TolMera 7d ago
You can end up president while being massively incompetent or incontinent.
→ More replies (5)32
108
u/oimerde 7d ago
I have a friend who’s 30 years younger than his “girlfriend” who’s freaking weird and works for Goop. It looks like in order to work for Paltrow main requirements are to be crazy your self.
I know all the details of the relationship cause my friend tells me all about it. He does not care cause his “girlfriend” basically has purchased him a car and now an apartment, but he has done some weird stuff for those things.
73
u/herzy3 7d ago
Go on...
27
u/Kittykats2 7d ago
Yes, dish the goop, please!
13
u/stomach 7d ago
he helps her with things like, Foot-in-Uterus Realignment, Truffle-oil Nipple-Exfoliation, and Baby-Seal Booty-to-Booty Rubs. y'know, the usual
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (5)72
u/Pepf 7d ago
Your friend is a prostitute with a single client. Not criticizing, just calling it what it is.
62
20
u/oimerde 7d ago
I tell him that all the time, and he accepted it. I used to be Jealous cause she was always buying him expensive stuff and taking him on trips. He’s a musician and as you can imagine if you’re not famous is a hard life, so he got lucky I think. Now after so many years, I’m no longer jealous, especially after I hear about everything he has to do.
I know this guy for a big part of my life in a way I’m his best friend. He’s not mine, but I think he feels comfortable telling me everything she makes him do. I’m a good listener and I don’t judge and laugh out with him if he needs to.
When it comes to their weird sex lifestyle. First, it was fun, he was having 3 with her and other girls. Eventually, she started to involve dudes. He said he does not need to do it with them, but I think he’s not telling me true. There are also occasions when he has to dress in specific ways or try new things. There was a time his back was all Bruised cause she was trying the dominatrix fantasy. There are more weird intimacy stories, but I’ll need more time to talk about those.
About lifestyle Yes, to the enema thing, but she makes him get a coffee enema anytime he gets some extra pounds. I have not heard about the ozone one. Will ask him next week as I’m going to meet up with him.
Another weird thing is that she’s always trying a new diet or a new weird “beauty” tool and the worst is that she often tries it on him. There was a time when he has to “you know SPER” on a container cause she used to put it on her face as a mask.
He also has to drink his pee for 40 days. He hated that one the most. Several times he’s been ready to end the relationship, but she always comes up with some expensive present and he stays.
I can’t stand the lady. She acts like a teen anytime she’s in public with him. I often see her when he’s playing a show and several friends go check out his band. She will be jumping and acting all exaggerated. Also, we always have to go to the restaurant she wants and it’s often a pretentious restaurant that’s overpriced.
As you can see I truly hate her. At some point, my friend try to recruit me to be part of a night with them, but I said FUC3 NOOOO!!!
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (2)19
u/alamaias 7d ago
Hell man, I would do that in a heartbeat.
Dependingnon the weird stuff I wpuld probably do it for fun :P
24
u/series_hybrid 7d ago
I think either she or her advisors smoke some weed and think of "scientific-adjacent" facts and repurpose them. Ozone can easily be generated by an inexpensive machine, and ozone can be bubbled through water to sterilize it.
Lately there has been a lot of chatter about "eating ass", and women are getting their anus waxed and bleached to "make it pretty". But how to sterilize it?
Here's the thing, if this does kill bacteria in your colon, that bacteria performs an important function. I'm not saying ozone kills bacteria in your colon, but if her machine actually produces ozone, I'm sure some germs may die.
I'm saying that it's bad if it doesn't work, and...it's bad if it does work. Ozone is unstable and reactive, so I don't know what that would do to healthy colon cells...
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (5)15
187
u/Ahelex 7d ago
My wildly unsubstantiated theory on why it seems like all those woo stuff focus on the ass is because... pooping (and I guess liquids entering and flowing out of your ass?) gives a wave of satisfaction. Which means by focusing on the ass, people initially buying into it would be more likely to come back, because it feels good.
91
u/platasnatch 7d ago
Why don't I just waste my last avocado too while I'm at it?
→ More replies (3)53
66
u/randompersonx 7d ago
While I’m sure you are right about that being part of it, the truth is they the colon is very good at absorbing certain things into the blood. It has to be because it’s the last chance the body has to absorb nutrients and water.
If, for example, you gave yourself an enema with vodka, you would almost certainly get way more drunk, way faster than if you drank the same amount of alcohol. Note: don’t do this because you might die:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol_enema
So, by doing various weird types of enemas, it allows for either rapidly absorbing things that normally your body can’t absorb, or alternatively, cleaning things out or your body that you don’t want to absorb.
With that said, probably ozone in your ass probably wouldn’t do either of those things, but probably they believe it has some detoxing effect because ozone is capable of killing most things. At best, this would function sort of like an antibiotic for your intestines, but I’m not sure that’s generally a good thing.
→ More replies (20)24
u/Critical-Step-4965 7d ago
I think ozone is toxic as well, I wouldn't want my ass soaking up ozone...
17
u/DINKY_DICK_DAVE 7d ago
At the very least it'll probably nuke the good bacteria you have up there and give you the squirts
→ More replies (8)138
u/Raelah 7d ago
I hate pooping. It's such a hassle. It only provides relief. But if I could opt out of pooping, I'd do it in a heart beat. And one of my least favorite things is anything to do with my butthole.
People only do this shit is because of pseudoscience, misinformation and/or influence from celebrities.
→ More replies (15)102
u/Phyank0rd 7d ago
On the contrary. One of my favorite random things that I enjoy in my life is being able to sit down and pass that one big log, like the one that has you take a cleansing breath after it drops.
Nothing weird about it or anything, just the satisfaction of relief when it's finally out.
→ More replies (8)91
u/Grove-Of-Hares 7d ago
Then you wipe, and it’s absolutely spotless. Bliss.
16
→ More replies (4)47
u/weakplay 7d ago
Don’t forget the poop that magically disappears into the bowl - Ghost Poop
→ More replies (4)34
32
30
u/PauleAgave95 7d ago edited 7d ago
At this point, real life is more satire and controversy than any gta game.
I was playing trough the single player gta5 recently and there was the add for a Parfume „smell like a bitch“
And to be honest, 10 years ago this was satire, now it could be an actual add.
→ More replies (2)51
u/Soothsayer71 7d ago
All the weird stuff she does to stay healthy, but she sure doesn't look healthy these days. Seen a clip of here on a podcast or interview recently and she looked malnourished.
→ More replies (9)69
u/tiddles451 7d ago
Well, from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ozone it doesnt sound like a particularly healthy thing to be sticking up your butt.
Ozone is a powerful oxidant (far more so than dioxygen) and has many industrial and consumer applications related to oxidation. This same high oxidizing potential, however, causes ozone to damage mucous and respiratory tissues in animals, and also tissues in plants, above concentrations of about 0.1 ppm. While this makes ozone a potent respiratory hazard and pollutant near ground level, a higher concentration in the ozone layer (from two to eight ppm) is beneficial, preventing damaging UV light from reaching the Earth's surface.
39
27
u/Far_Asparagus1654 7d ago
Ex biologist here. Oxygen is tragically dangerous for biological tissue, especially in free radical form, which you are even more likely to get with ozone than regular diatomic oxygen.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (2)9
u/Fetlocks_Glistening 7d ago
What if you're worried about too much UV in your colon from the Gloop crystal scented UV butt-wand you stuck up there earlier?
→ More replies (124)33
u/Disastrous_Square_10 7d ago
Yeah can’t we just admit she likes butt stuff and get over it?
9
u/Floor_Heavy 7d ago
Why just go "I like butt stuff", when you can get paid for liking butt stuff?
→ More replies (2)
980
u/Neoxite23 7d ago
Ok so how does one go about shoving the ozone into your ass? I morbidly curious on this.
692
u/diuturnal 7d ago
Having o3 blown up her ass? If it works like it does with my car, her ass probably smells like burnt air for 15 minutes, then like nothing.
→ More replies (23)191
u/Wraithkingslayer 7d ago
She would sell out of all product if she produced burning ass ozone candles.
→ More replies (7)44
u/ExplorerElectrical21 7d ago
If his ass is burnt in a candle flame, it will smell through the air. It will smell unpleasant.
→ More replies (3)144
u/MeGotShadowbanned 7d ago
In simple terms, ozone reacts with smelly things to make them less smelly.
It is also not something you want to be around in high concentrations, because it can react with you and make you more cancer-y.
→ More replies (1)84
u/Antisymmetriser 7d ago
More accurately, ozone reacts with organic compounds to eventually burn them into CO2. Since our bodies our mostly organic compounds, you will be left with chemical burns way before you feel the cancer. This is also how it causes cancer - it damages DNA, resulting in mutations that can result in tumors.
→ More replies (1)64
u/hilburn 7d ago
I work with a company that has an ozone lab - the written safety instructions that you have to sign off on before going into it include: "if someone collapses to the floor, do not help them, leave the building immediately" - it's terrifying stuff
→ More replies (4)7
u/MimonFishbaum 7d ago
I work with 03 lighting cells used for wastewater effluent disinfection. I refuse to actually read about how she's using ozone, so I'm just gonna imagine it's like an 03 bulb dildo lol.
→ More replies (1)92
u/drstu3000 7d ago
When you're $200M Rich you can make it happen
30
→ More replies (1)10
u/jellyfish-blues- 7d ago
Enough money to also pay the people to lie and say that it's going to be good for you too..
65
u/priceQQ 7d ago
Well it does make reactive oxygen species, which are damaging to your tissues … so imagine using dilute hydrogen peroxide …
→ More replies (5)26
u/Neoxite23 7d ago
so imagine using dilute hydrogen peroxide …
No I don't think I will!
26
u/Ahelex 7d ago
The extra O is the shape your mouth makes when you realize you're burning the shit out of your tissue down there.
→ More replies (2)61
20
u/Moodymandan 7d ago
I’m a radiology and we preform enemas with both air and contrast, but I imagine it’s the same. Just a catheter in the butt and making sure it’s taped in tight to not let anything just shoot out all over you. For air enemas it’s really important to tape well or else you can’t distend the colon or bowel. We mainly use air for kids with intussusception, basically their bowels have rolled into itself, or rarely to use both contrast and air to look at the mucosa of the colon. The latter is very rare because you can just get a colonoscopy, which is much better than a double contrast enema. I digress, you could easily do this with ozone I suppose. I have no idea what the concentration of ozone you’d use, but honestly I bet there is negligible ozone in the air enema this lady gets.
→ More replies (3)19
u/iamursula 7d ago
At least we now know where all the ozone that’s missing above Antarctica has gone. Its all in this odd woman’s ass!
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (32)14
u/gorilla_dick_ 7d ago
Ozone is a chemical that alot of heaters and ionizers put off. It’s awful for humans but does work to take smells out of the air. There’s that industrial air freshener that’s ozone all the smokers use - can’t recall the name
→ More replies (5)14
1.1k
u/Hannarr1 7d ago
Seems like a great way to get colon cancer.
223
→ More replies (55)107
u/Admetus 7d ago
There's a reason you should not inhale too much ozone over your lifetime.
→ More replies (2)21
u/shmorky 7d ago
What's the reason?
→ More replies (21)133
u/TyrellCo 7d ago
“Ozone is known to cause radicals to be formed in biological systems” “The damage to cells caused by free radicals, especially the damage to DNA, may play a role in the development of cancer and other health conditions”
→ More replies (2)23
u/vindictivemonarch 7d ago edited 6d ago
i had an old friend. she told me she was getting ozone enemas to get rid of free radicals. she said the coffee ones weren't as good. this was probably 8-10 years ago.
i told her that was a bad idea, that ozone creates free radicals, and that she should stop for her health. i provided a lot of evidence.
she bitched me out, posted our convo on facebook, and blocked me.
i'm a physicist. she has a degree in marketing. these types of people are literally fucking crazy.
→ More replies (4)
831
u/WallabyBubbly 7d ago
Gwyneth also said, “I like to start my day with a glass of alkaline water with a spritz of lemon juice in it.” She did not understand that the acidic lemon juice cancels out the alkaline water
→ More replies (30)280
u/Western-Armadillo-19 7d ago
She is only an actress,not a chemist.
→ More replies (5)140
u/psychicesp 7d ago
Neither are most of the people who know that's bullshit. Neutralizing a base with an acid isn't exactly advanced-degree-level chemistry
→ More replies (5)
155
u/Supersleeper70 7d ago edited 7d ago
A hole in the ozone - disturbing, ozone in a hole - even more disturbing.
→ More replies (3)
1.6k
u/mc-edit 7d ago
Maybe she’s just into inserting stuff (jade eggs, ozone, etc.) into her body. No harm in that. But no no, she had to go and make that her identity. Never mind she won an Oscar—she puts things in her butt now.
615
u/Eerawai 7d ago
I read that as putting an Oscar in her butt. Which … now I think of it … probably.
237
u/mc-edit 7d ago
Someone has definitely tried it.
→ More replies (6)131
47
u/chronoboy1985 7d ago
Somebody posted on r/showerthoughts something to the effect of “someone has definitely inserted an Oscar into their vagina at some point”.
24
73
u/Ahelex 7d ago
I mean, the statue does have a flared base with a smooth head, so I guess it fulfills the basic criteria of a good and safe butt plug?
→ More replies (1)45
u/mc-edit 7d ago
Gwyneth talks to her butt in Tony Montana voice: “Say hello to my lil’ friend.”
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (6)8
168
u/pengalor 7d ago
No harm in that.
Unfortunately, there is harm that can come from it, which is precisely why she needs to shut up and keep to herself.
31
u/octopoddle 7d ago edited 7d ago
An interesting website that shows cases of injury or death due to belief in pseudoscience.
→ More replies (3)61
u/mc-edit 7d ago
Yes, you are right.
Gwyneth, if you are reading this, please don’t put dangerous things in your ass or pussy. Only non-dangerous things belong in these places. For instance, a cactus is dangerous. And your Oscar is not dangerous. If you need further help, I’ll be here to help. Good luck and Godspeed you weird, weird lady.
27
u/graebot 7d ago
I'm not sure ozone is a good idea to put in ones rectum. Pretty sure it oxidises tissue, could lead to cancer, etc. Generally, you want to fight oxidizers in the body (antioxidants) not add them. You can't just go "ozone is good for the planet, therefore it's good for my butthole"
→ More replies (1)9
u/christopia86 7d ago
You can't just go "ozone is good for the planet, therefore it's good for my butthole"
That's the kind of line you hear somebody say into their phone as they walk past and it lives rent free in your head fir the rest of your life.
→ More replies (1)48
u/Daedeluss 7d ago
I don't care what she puts up her butt, just don't claim it has any health benefits.
16
u/snowysnowy 7d ago
Please have a South park episode with her and Butters and that what what in the butt bit again
→ More replies (41)8
277
u/flyrubberband 7d ago
So now we know what that hole in the ozone layer was all about
174
→ More replies (3)48
39
68
u/twan_john 7d ago
Apparently, ozone "strengthens the immune system and the response to external aggressions." Interestingly, one external aggression that comes to mind and is 100% preventable is sticking ozone up your ass.
Source: https://ivyinfusions.com/vaginal-and-rectal-ozone-treatment/
→ More replies (13)
550
u/Flashy_Individual_40
7d ago
•
what in the reeses peanut butter fuck happened to this lady? she's like a non-political myPillow guy
→ More replies (22)401
u/dirty_hooker 7d ago
Completely distanced from anyone who’ll tell her she’s being dumb and unlimited access to snake oil salesmen. There’s a human need to be smarter than someone else; to have insider knowledge. She’s fallen for the idea that ancient people had non invasive natural cures for everything rather than the reality that they had extremely low average lifespans due to extremely high mortality rates; often even caused by ridiculous and dangerous medical procedures.
165
→ More replies (5)68
u/jdippey 7d ago
While lifespans were indeed lower in the past, they were not as ridiculously low as is often thought. People pretty frequently lived into their 60s despite the lack of modern medicine (though modern medicine definitely helps extend that a smidge).
→ More replies (11)146
u/dirty_hooker 7d ago
That’s if they made it to adulthood. The numbers are skewed due to infant and child mortality.
→ More replies (4)
31
u/TXGemi 7d ago
How does she get it in there when her head i so far up her own ass already?
→ More replies (2)
221
u/goatAlmighty 7d ago
The perfect example of a Hollywood icon completely out of touch with reality. The sad/disgusting thing is that she profits massively from the gullible people who buy her snake oil.
→ More replies (25)19
83
u/TwoTrick_Pony 7d ago
I'm horrified and disgusted. Does the article happen to mention where she buys the ozone and what's the best way of inserting it?
→ More replies (24)36
u/CartographerVisual24 7d ago
Asking for a friend?
17
u/According-Ask29 7d ago
What are the benefits? just out of curiosity
30
u/SushiGrayedd 7d ago
My guess, ozone removes odor. So she is literally trying to make her shit not stink.
13
u/EsUnTiro 7d ago
What a good way to shout to the world “HEY I TAKE BIG STINKY SHITS!” Kinda like keeping one of those poo-pourri spray bottles in your bathroom.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (4)8
91
u/PaulPaul4 7d ago
She has always done weird crap to stay relevant and bring in the money
→ More replies (3)44
u/Cheaptat 7d ago
…and take advantage of vulnerable people to make herself a little more anal-ozone money.
→ More replies (1)
61
15
15
u/JustKeepSwimming0913
7d ago
•
Someone is literally getting paid reeeeaaaal well to blow smoke up her ass 🤣
45
u/AlbussyDumbledore 7d ago
Recently, everything I learn about celebrities I learn completely against my will.
11
33
u/BlettaFappaChu 7d ago
Celebrities always get to put the most exotic things up there ass and all I have is this damn Freddy Krueger figure 😔
→ More replies (5)
9
•
u/AutoModerator 7d ago
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.